Preparing parents for the mentoring journey

Abstract

Aside from the young person being mentored, parents are the primary stakeholders in the mentoring relationship. Yet sometimes parents do not clearly understand why their child has been referred to a mentoring program, what mentoring is all about, their role, and the roles of the mentor and program. Because parents play such an important function in the mentoring relationship some thought should be given to how we prepare them for the mentoring journey. This effective practice outlines sample language and ideas for preparing parents for the mentoring experience, and was submitted by LEARNS at the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory in April 2008.

Issue

A mentoring relationship involves a variety of people who can influence the success of the match. Aside from the young person being mentored, parents are primary stakeholders in the mentor-mentee relationship. Parents formally allow their child to be mentored, sign-off on the mentor who is matched with their child, okay outings and activities, and support the relationship. Yet sometimes parents do not clearly understand why their child has been referred to a mentoring program, what mentoring is all about, their role, and the roles of the mentor and program. Because parents play such an important function in the mentoring relationship some thought should be given to how we prepare them for the mentoring journey.

Action

To prepare parents for the mentoring relationship programs might consider the parent's role, appropriate interactions with mentors, parent orientation, a parent handbook, and general support and involvement. Sample language and ideas for preparing parents for the mentoring journey follow.

Parent's Role
The main role of the parent is to be a supportive advocate for the match. Being positive about the relationship is the best way to support the pair. Parents can also:

Encourage their child to meet regularly with their mentor.
Remind their child to thank her mentor and show appreciation for the time they spend together.
Ask open-ended questions about how things are going. For example, "What was the best thing you did with your mentor today?"
Listen to their child and be supportive of her feelings. She may be shy or nervous with her mentor at first and may go through periods of "testing" the mentor as the relationship develops.
Point out positive changes they see in their child as a result of having a mentor.
Communicate to the mentor any important rules, food limitations, or times that the child is usually unavailable.
Allow the child to meet with the mentor. Withholding meetings with the mentor as punishment is not recommended. The parent and mentor are a team. If the child is "grounded," a plan should be worked out to ensure that the mentor can continue to see the child.
Notify the mentor and staff if there is a change of address, phone, or other contact information, or if there is a significant change in the family that may affect the relationship, such as moving away from the area or a loss in the family.
Share concerns about the child with her mentor when she is not present to avoid embarrassing or uncomfortable situations for the young person.
Tell program staff important details about the child that may not be covered in the application.
Complete and turn in paperwork in a timely manner.
Attend parent orientation, meetings, and annual celebrations.
Help program staff complete regular check-ins by returning phone calls quickly and taking some time to talk about how the child is doing.
Share concerns with staff.
Thank the mentor!

Parents and Mentors
The mentor has volunteered primarily to spend time with an individual young person with whom he or she has been carefully matched. Since most mentoring models are built on the special one-on-one connection between mentor and mentee, mentors should not be asked to mentor other siblings or bring others along on outings. Mentors primarily act as role models and listening ears for their mentees. Mentors should not be asked to provide advice or counseling to parents. Relationships should be kept professional and not cross the line into babysitting, friendship, or dating.

Parent Orientation
Mentoring relationships can be more successful when parents are involved and informed (DuBois, Holloway, et al.). A parent orientation is a great way to partner with parents for better outcomes in the long run. Parent orientation can be kept brief and be done in a group or one-on-one. The goal of the orientation is to inform parents about the details of your program and answer questions they may have. An agenda for a parent orientation might include the following topics and activities.

1. Welcome/introduction

2. Program overview, mission, and goals

3. Who could benefit from a mentor?
Discuss what the program can and cannot help youth accomplish.

4. Selection and matching process for participants and for mentors
Include a discussion of the mentor screening process.

5. Program activities
Have current mentors (and perhaps their mentees) discuss their activities and the rewards for youth.

6. Role of parent/guardian
Include a discussion of program ground rules for mentors, youth, and parents/guardians including pertinent policies and procedures. Have parents/guardians of current mentees discuss their children's experiences. Have a staff member discuss parents'/guardians' role.

7. Snacks and materials
Have packets of materials or handbooks available for parents/guardians to pick up and take home. Decide what you want to include in each packet or handbook: for example, an application form for the child/youth; information on program policies; an outline of screening requirements for mentors.

8. Questions and answers
Anticipate questions parents may have. In addition to their responsibilities they might also be wondering:

What if I don't like the mentor or my child does not like the mentor?
What if the mentor wants to do an activity I disagree with? Or has values that I do not share?
What about gifts and money? Should my child accept gifts from his mentor? Who pays for outings?
Whom do I contact if I have questions or concerns?

Parent Handbook
Depending on the structure of the program and responsibilities of parents, a formal orientation might not be possible. In this case a parent handbook or packet can be provided that explains what mentoring is all about, the details of your program, policies and guidelines, and the parent's role. A sample handbook titled "Guide to Mentoring for Parents and Guardians" created by the Mentoring Resource Center can be downloaded in Word format at: http://www.edmentoring.org/publications.html.

Parent Support and Involvement
After parents have been prepared for the mentoring relationship, program staff will continue to communicate with parents on a regular basis. Monthly check-in calls allow staff to gauge how the match is progressing from the parent's standpoint and deal with any concerns the parent might have before they become issues for the match. Parents should have contact information for program staff in case of an emergency over the weekend or after business hours. Keep a resource list of nonprofits and other agencies in your area that serve families and individuals in case parents, youth, or families need assistance beyond what your agency can provide. Some programs choose to supplement their services and engage more parents and families by offering activities for families such as ELL courses, parenting classes, or invitations to program specific events.

Context

Mentoring programs across the country are constantly looking for ways to retain matches and bolster outcomes. In recent years mentoring programs, especially community-based models, have implemented parent orientation and utilized parent handbooks to enhance their retention efforts.

Outcome

Anecdotal accounts from mentoring programs reveal that programs who inform and involve parents in the mentoring journey experience fewer conflicts between mentors and parents and reductions in early match termination.

Evidence

Research suggests that "mentoring programs that reach out to parents tend to have greater success in shaping youth outcomes," (DuBois, Holloway, et al., 2002: Grossman & Rhodes, 2002). DuBois reports that parents who are informed and involved in the match may be more likely to reinforce mentors' positive influences.

Posted On

April 15, 2008

Resources

DuBois, D.L., Holloway, B.E, Valentine, J. C., & Coopers, H. (2002). Effectiveness of mentoring programs for youth: A meta-analytic review. American Journal of Community Psychology, 30, 157-197.

Grossman, J.B., & Rhodes, J. E. (2002). The test of time: Predictors and effects of duration in youth mentoring programs. American Journal of Community Psychology, 30, 199-219.

Mentoring as a Family Strengthening Strategy (PDF file)
http://www.nassembly.org/fspc/practice/documents/Mentoring_FINAL.pdf

Strengthening Mentoring Programs for Youth (2000) Module 3: Making and Supporting the Match (PDF file)
http://www.nwrel.org/mentoring/pdf/Mod3.PDF

The Tutor (Summer 2003) It's All in the Family: Planning High-Quality Family Literacy Events (PDF file)
http://nationalserviceresources.org/filemanager/download/learns/sum2003.pdf

Guide to Mentoring for Parents and Guardians
http://www.edmentoring.org/publications.html

Related Practices

Related sites

National Mentoring Center

Resource Center